I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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