I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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