I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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