Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
