he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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