im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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