I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
why do cheetos always look like penises
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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