if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
