his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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