im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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