the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
