she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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