That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You are the jesus of drinking
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
