If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
