A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
