Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
