theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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