it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just cropdusted the office
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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