She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
