I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize