apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
