even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
