We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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