Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
