I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
