I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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