You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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