You're so nebulous sometimes
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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