I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
