eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
