Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize