i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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