the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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