Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize