We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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