Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
