If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
