I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
