dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
