we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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