I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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