Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
