So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We had sex on a dog bed..
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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