well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
