You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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