OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
