Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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