i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
