got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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