she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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