I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize