next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No subtext here. People are naked.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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