I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
