I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
