my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
