Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
