Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
