hotel room ftw
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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