White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
