We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
