I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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