mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
