guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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