chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
